so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
