i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
