Someone shit on the floor
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
