Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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