i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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