If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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