I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
