My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
