Got a toothbrush?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
