Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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