Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
