there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
