Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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