I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
