I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
