careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
