i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
