The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
