i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize