I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
