We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
