I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize