you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
