I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize