I'm going to jail i love you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
