Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

Fav 29 3296 7431
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(248): View more from Michigan

If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

Fav 12 8244 1767
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(636): View more from Missouri

The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

Fav 10 1351 4739
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.

Fav 28 1444 4440
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(917): View more from New York City

The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.

Fav 12 1134 2015
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(317): View more from Indiana

Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.

Fav 9 1708 1185
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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run

Fav 1 344 185
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(323): View more from California

I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.

Fav 0 26 6
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