You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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