he wants to bone in the snuggie
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
