Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize