Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize