Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
