It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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