forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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