i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
