he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
