why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
