i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
