Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
