Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
