i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
