I think i sorta joined a cult last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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