I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
