Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
