so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
