She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
