well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
