So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
