Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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