you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
