I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
