why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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