So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I need moral support for this bender
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
