blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
