fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
