did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
