can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
