I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
