For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
