Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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