you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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