I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
