this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
