oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
