Can i not drive my cunt home
I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
