i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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