if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
