If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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