Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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