Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
